Saturday Sledding

Last weekend we had a pretty picture perfect time together. (Much needed following weeks of little man’s illness.) We had probably (hopefully) our last snow storm of the winter and took advantage of the storm falling on a weekend and not a weekday.

I bought clearanced snow boots, snow pants, and a sled for Harry G. He had yet to own these items because he’s been couped up in the house! This was to be his first time playing out in the snow. We were so exited!

The snow didn’t fall according to plan but it was enough powder to play in and warm enough to enjoy the outdoors for a chunk of time. The whole family (including doggos) was able to run around outside with the sled.

Chili was bubbling in the slow cooker, fresh cupcakes stood to be frosted, and all of our winter gear was laid out by the back door waiting for occupancy. We were all healthy, happy, and together. It reminded me of story book. But by golly it was OUR normal Saturday.

Peanut loved the snow and the sled, although he couldn’t move very well in all of his gear. I thought he would get mad about the layers we had to suit up in (for the first time) but he was patient and made us proud. Kind of like he knew some fun was about to happen, so the layers were worth it.

Jeffrey pulled the sled with both of us in it mostly, because it wasn’t an infant sled, Harry fell over a lot if he was on his own 🙂 and then laid there until someone sat him upright (because again, he couldn’t move). The dogs ran circles in the fluffy snow, which was also good entertainment.

After we came in and warmed up, we played nerf gun wars (where mom and dad shoot darts at each other around the basement and Harry runs back and forth screaming and laughing…and the cat chases him.) Our cheeks got such a good workout that day.




GOOD Morning

This morning I blog with pieces of Cocoa Bunnies smashed on my couch next to me. Mom life is so glam. But it’s a Tuesday morning, why am I not at work? Medical Leave, that’s why. Sick child, that’s why. I never want to hear the word C DIFF again…that’s why.

Early February brought vomiting and about 10 diaper changes a day…for 7 days. Our second diagnosis of an intestinal infection was confirmed and so a medication was started. And then switched. And then another one was started. One that was never prescribed to someone so young from our doctor’s office.

If you’ve ever had, or known someone who has had, C Difficile then you get that it SUCKS. The hard part is someone having it for a second time right around one year old. That is way too immature of an immune system to battle the infection and the harsh medications that come with it.

We don’t know where he got it, he’s only been on antibiotics 2-3 times in his life, and he doesn’t go to hospitals or nursing homes. I’m a germ freak, too. The wipe the carts down multiple times, wash your hands and remove your shoes when you come into my home, and touch door handles at my work with a tissue (crazy) type.

He’s doing MUCH better now, going on week 4 at home together. For two solid weeks he was in healing mode from the infection. In the thick of it, I was brought to tears by my washer and dryer on my knees, asking God to get us through this. I didn’t see my bubbly, trouble making toddler for over 2 weeks. He was a -can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t get comfortable, sick. little. boy. Heartbreaking.

I title this post GOOD Morning to remind myself, that it IS a good morning. He’s been testing his Mama lately. We’re both stuck indoors in the last haul of our winter. We’re stir crazy together and getting on each other’s nerves. But it is a GOOD morning because he’s home, he’s healing and getting healthier every day.

We’re not sure what the return to normal life will bring our family. Another infection, a cold, a flu, or by the grace of God…our sanity and daily grind back!? It’s hard to understand how your darkest times bring you closer to your faith, until you’re only peace is a piece of Him. My mantra will keep being ‘no room for worry, only room for faith’…



Healing Soup

Soup should be warm, filling and nutritious. It’s a great way to incorporate a lot of healing foods in one meal. This is a new fav I’ve concocted-

1 c baby red potatoes with skins

1 c yellow potatoes with skins

1 c chopped carrots

3/4 c diced celery

32 oz organic chicken or veggie broth

1 can diced organic tomatoes

Spinach (optional)

1lb ground turkey (optional)

1/4 stick of butter to sautee spinach (optional)

Fresh garlic, cilantro and pink salts to taste

Ok so throw all of your chopped up veggies in the crockpot, cover with broth. Add un-drained can of tomatoes. Brown turkey on stove (season to your taste), once it’s all cooked drop butter in your pan and add spinach. Cover and cook on low heat until spinach wilts. Add that junk  into your crockpot.  I put about a tablespoon of fresh minced garlic in now, and about 1/4 c of fresh chopped cilantro. I salt as the soup cooks to get a good flavor. Don’t salt too much too soon because veggies cook down and offer great taste without doing much else. Let that all cook on low for 6 hours and voila!

Easy, great for you, and makes enough to eat through the week. No more canned soups in this house…


From Size D to Size AA

Those are cup sizes I’m referring to in the title. I went from just enough va-va-voom for a small size body to “do I really even need a bra today?” in a matter of weeks. Besides the obvious crap factor of being able to relate to a 7 year old boy from belly up, the big upset was the WHY to my disappearing act.

Weeks following the birth of the worlds chubbiest baby, my body did weird things. All I heard was that it was “normal” after pregnancy and that I might be depressed, or worse, making it up. I started to believe all of those things. Until I couldn’t ignore the 120’s resting heart rate, my hair falling out so much I could barely put it in a pony tail, my constant starvation, night sweats, mood swings, and complete inability to focus on anything. I started to feel mentally and physically ill. I watched my body go from 135 (I’m under 5 ft tall OK that’s big on this frame) and preggo AF to skin and bones in about 10 weeks (I think I was around 90lbs).

I could admit, at first after baby I was very stressed. I wasn’t taking care of myself like I should’ve been. But after the one month mark of our little dictator running our world, I was getting back in the swing of healthy eating, walking, and normalcy. He slept 9-10 hours a night so there was no excuse for why I wasn’t sleeping, but…I wasn’t sleeping.

C-Reactive protein levels sky high, T3, T4, TSH, Anitbodies, all the bullshit that comes back in blood work saying you have something wrong with your thyroid…I had. Does it run in your family? No. Have you had issues before? No. Are you ready for thyroid medications? No no no. My diagnosis of hashimotos answered all of the “why” to my freakish mental and physical state. That was great to hear it wasn’t just me. Or that there wasn’t an underlying issue we couldn’t pinpoint. I have accepted the diagnosis but I am reluctant to accept the “here’s what happens to you next…”

Infertility, medications, mental instability, possible nodules and surgeries, radioactive upstake scans that would take me from snuggling my child, and eventually flipping from hyperthyroidism to hypothyroidism and learning about a whole new demon to combat. SO…

I have started to read 🙂 I see my endocrinologist regularly to watch my levels. I fully soak up her professional advice but with an open mind. I have a new found obsession of healing myself from the inside out (with as little possible medical intervention).

I was given medications to start to treat hyperthyroidism, but learning that they can be harsh on your body and hard to ween off of, I didn’t think I was quite ready for that. I changed my diet, (had to take beta blockers for my insane heart rate), upped my vitamin D intake, de-stressed and detoxed, and kept reading (Thyroid Healing by Anthony William is amazing). At my follow up after I was supposed to have started thyroid meds, my levels started to improve. My endo silently cursed my name when I told her they were better because of what I was doing and not because of what a medication was SUPPOSED to be doing. (Proverbs 3:6 ya feel me?)

And so the adventure of my healing process begins. And so does the adventure of finding a bra to hold up… nothing.


Blogging Again!

I’m back at this thing called blogging, or more so online journaling that I can go back and read whenever. (Like go back and read my post-partum uploads and cry.)

I have all these new things I can share with whoever wants to follow, like my new mommyhood, my thyroid diagnosis, my diet changes for said thyroid crap, our WEDDING coming up this year, recipes, working out, whew….

So basically if you back track my blog posts I met a cute guy, we started an adventure together, we lost a baby, and finally had a healthy one!

Since then I have started a new job, LOVED every minute of mom life, got a really bad haircut, got diagnosed with a hashimotos thyroiditis, set a wedding date, and all 3 of us got the stomach flu at the same time (pure hell).

Not that much has happened 😉 So if you want to read some personal family stories, or follow a new journey of body healing with an autoimmune disease, or love God, or love kids, or dogs, or clothes, or new recipes, or sarcasm…read along!

Maybe I should change my blog name from unsweetened sugar to unsweetened stevia…



Bye Bye Maternity Leave

A quick post before the monster awakes!

I had time to make muffins (and time to eat one too many of them) while my sweet pea naps. This whole baby thing that had me straight terrified and stressed out for a while has been getting better and better. It’s the combination of him getting older and more interactive and me getting used to it 🙂 It seems your expectations adjust and the crying becomes part of the routine. I think it helps that I try to find silver lining again, like when his nightly crying fest starts, I thank God I’m home with my healthy wailing baby and not in the hospital for an illness or his breathing or something.

I start work soon and I keep hearing everyone tell me “I’ll get through it”. Now I know it won’t be a walk in the park to leave my baby. I expect a small emotional rollercoaster I guess. But I’m actually looking forward to it a little. I like routine so I’m eager to get our schedule together. I think I’ll also like the adult interaction again. It’s crazy because before I had him, I REFUSED to go back to work full time…and here I am now equally sad to leave my babe but happy to feel more human again.

I think the hardest part will be babe’s first illness 😦 It’s inevitable with this nasty cold and flu season we’re in the middle of. We’ve hibernated for the past few months so he hasn’t been exposed to anything really. I just keep trying to prepare myself for it. I also say prayers that his body be ready and able to fight off whatever he catches. I can’t pray for him to not get sick forever and I’m quite thankful we’ve made it this far.

I might be a little jealous too, just because someone else gets to enjoy his smiles and coos and have fun with him all day. That really get’s me, the idea that I might miss milestones. I hope our last day together he is super fussy so I have that to run with 😉 then I just feel sorry for his care provider…(kidding…kind of).

It might be a little easier for me because I have amazing care lined up for him. My cousin does in-home care and she used to babysit ME! And I loved her when she watched my sister and I growing up. Also, we’re extremely lucky to have my Aunt helping most of the time. We meet next week about baby’s breathing condition, to go over it all, and my Aunt insisted on being there. Without them, and how seriously they are taking his condition, I doubt I’d even be able to leave him.

We’re actually looking into the Owlet monitor. We decided against it before he was born but now that he has his breathing thing and will be exposed to germs (ugh), we’re thinking it might be helpful for a good nights sleep. Babe sleeps in our room still (and will for as long as he fits in his bassinet) but I still get nervous about him at night. I thank God before bed for our little family all tucked in together in one room. By little family I mean Jeffrey and myself, baby, and three dogs that all have their own bed. Kitty cat get’s the whole downstairs to herself because she doesn’t behave.

Time to go cherish more snuggles with my main squeeze (sorry Jeffrey) and catch more Home Improvement 😉 I could watch those reruns ALL DAY…oh wait I have for the last several months.


Preggo Theories…or Facts?

You will be given a butt-load of information from doctors, friends, family (and strangers), while you are pregnant. It’s up to you to determine which gets filed into your BS folder. The best part, even the stuff that is TRUE or SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN may not apply to you. And because you will hear time and again that every pregnancy is different, sometimes you’ll just feel like your walking in the dark. The best knowledge…experience.

These are the 3 theories my first pregnancy (first that resulted in a baby in my arms) taught me might not be internet psycho babble after-all. BEFORE YOU CONTINUE: THESE ARE NOT MEANT TO SCARE ANYONE AND THE OUTCOME OF MY PREGNANCY WAS A HEALTHY BABY!

  1. Hiccups late in pregnancy = Cord around the neck

I found this to be unfortunately true. There’s a rule of thumb (that varies depending on your source) where if you’re having so many bouts of hiccups a day for long periods of time it could signal a problem with the cord. I read this and it of course scared me because my baby had hiccups ALL of the time, up until I popped him out.

Now, hiccups are a sign of the lungs maturing and practicing breathing, yes. I even asked my doctors and they just said “it’s fine” or “normal” and that was it. I don’t think anyone would admit it anyway, why scare us if there is nothing that could be done? Coincidence that little man came out with the cord around his neck? Perhaps, but the best piece of advice I could give any Mama is follow your gut. My gut was telling me his bouts of hiccups weren’t normal towards the end. (He did have issues at first too, but is doing well.)

2.Baby’s sleep pattern in the womb = Baby’s sleep pattern out of the womb

I think this might be true! A doctor mentioned that she heard this theory when we were discussing tracking his awake time and his kicks. I told her he sleeps so good at night. It was almost like when I started my nightly routine and settled down he would pick up on it and would lull off to sleep when I did. And by 7 weeks old he was sleeping 8-9 hours a night! Straight! By 2-3 weeks he was going about 5 hours a night at a time.

If you find yourself in this boat, don’t ruin the pattern! Start your sleep routine as soon as possible! You know, dim the lights, softer sounds, a bath and/or jammies. Good news is if your babes is a night-owl in the womb, your routine can also change that too! I think us mommas who’s baby sets his own pattern in our bellies might have it a tad easier post-birth. Woohoo!!

3. Dilation early = Baby early

Do NOT let anyone tell you dilation means your close to giving birth. One of my rotation doctor’s told me that…and 4 weeks later I was OVER due! I was at a 1 by 32 weeks and a 3 by 36 weeks. I sat a 3 for a few weeks and hit 4 I think at 39 weeks. I went overdue and scheduled my induction and later that day I had him! I ended up walking myself into labor. I felt “different” and literally walked around my neighborhood with a contraction app to see if it was legit go-time, since I had been waiting for WEEKS after I was told “any day now”. Of course, everybody is different but don’t let early dilation SCARE you…or get your hopes up. Baby (and God) decides when!

Again, these could all be a coincidence (but I don’t believe in those anyway). After you have a pregnancy down you feel like you become a little more knowledgable. I’m sure if we decide to do this whole baby thing again my second will go ahead and prove me wrong on these. But until then…use this info as you wish! 🙂




New Mommyhood

Time to blog!? Well I never…

My 6 week old snoozes away while laundry piles up, the dishwasher waits to be unloaded, and bottles bob in the sudsy sink. I’m beginning to feel more at ease with this new roommate and my new role.

Normally, as a clean freak and someone who can’t sit still, I’ve learned to embrace (tolerate) sitting for hours while my baby catches some Zzz’s on my chest, or turning the other cheek to the piled up recycling that needs to be taken out. I hope this isn’t something I can get used to though, I liked my old “get shit done” attitude. That attitude is now channeled into “learn your baby” and “survive”. More often now that attitude is also graced with a little “I’ve got this” positivity.

In a long drawn out post…things are slowly getting better. We got good news from the dreaded trip to the pede ENT and we survived the drive back home through an awful winter storm (with a newborn who mostly slept the whole time).

Our little boy has learned how to truly smile at us now, he coos, and kicks his tiny legs in a frenzy when he’s happy. I know his hungry cry and that he loves bath time. I’ve been peed on, puked on, cried on, and slept on. I’ve also cried with him. And I dance with him (daily). I’ve also had a chance to get hopped up on a glass of wine. A-as in one…yeah, life has certainly changed!

My last post I promised a labor and delivery story…and I’ll get to that eventually (hopefully). But for now I need to shove food in my face and sterilize pacifiers before my little monster stirs. We’ll finish off our evening with some soft classical music and his rocking chair. My heart melts in those moments and makes everything worth it.




Beauty in the Breakdown

Today I write basically one-handed, forgiveness is appreciated in advance for typos! Why one-handed typing? Because I have a 3 week old baby snoring away on my shoulder 🙂

What a whirlwind these last few weeks have been. I’ve read that it’s hard to remember labor and delivery and I completely agree. The day I gave birth seems to be a blur. I recall walking myself into labor and my neighbors thinking I was crazy, circling the same blocks a dozen times. I don’t know how I’ve gotten through it all, my nights and days have literally become one.

Having a baby is a rollercoaster of thoughts, emotions, and physical demands…and that’s even an understatement. I read, prayed and dreamed away having my first child. I thought I was SO ready…and with most of the logistics…I was. What I wasn’t prepared for was how much change I MYSELF would need to undergo. I’m a new person…keeping a new person alive.

You don’t think about the fact that you can’t just jump in the car and go to the store anymore. You can’t brush your teeth when you want and you might not have time to eat some days…I knew I would be at the beck and call of a tiny dictator but nothing could have prepared me for this new life. It took me by storm…how long would this last? Will I ever be myself again? Will I ever NOT WORRY constantly about this new life that is suddenly the only thing that matters?

Our baby is beautiful and mostly healthy, but a minor breathing condition has had me in complete disheveled tears saying “I can’t do this” right before a rushed trip to the ER. To anyone reading and understanding the overwhelming impact a baby has on your SOUL…we’ll get through it. (So I keep hearing…and at only 3 weeks out..I’m starting to believe.)

It goes with out saying I wanted this baby more that anything in the world. I thank God continuously through out the day that he’s finally here. BUT…BUT…this newborn stage is difficult and as much as I’m trying to enjoy it, I’m also just trying to survive it.

A baby during a polar vortex and flu season makes for LONG PSYCHOTIC POST PARTUM days with a gassy-fussy newborn. We haven’t had many visitors because his breathing condition means no room for illness right now. We also don’t leave the house, well because it’s been -20’s.

Babe sees a specialist 3 hours away this week (praying for a smooth trip and good results). After that appointment, I just want to enjoy my baby and the holiday’s with family. I’m eager to find this new normal “me” as a mom…and eager to feel more human again.

I think this post is the most unorganized and illogical thing I’ve written. Cheers if you’re still reading. Jeffrey has been a pretty big help and I find myself finally laughing more with him (hormones have hindered our laughs for a long time).

So the title to today’s post, my awkward “baby announcement” post I’ve been DYING to put up since a positive pee test…

“beauty in the breakdown”- Though this be the absolute hardest and trying time of my life so far…I find myself dancing with my new baby to get him to sleep soundly, laughing with Jeffrey over stupid things again, and I’ve also grown to love my body more for it’s job well done creating a human.

When my thoughts are back in order I’ll try to post about the day our boy joined the world 🙂









My Sweet Baby Boy

I write this with you still safe in my belly. Your father and I, impatiently awaiting your arrival, which we’re told will be any day now.

I’ve had time to contemplate how different our lives will be once you are here. I’ve pictured your little feet filling the tiny socks I’ve washed. I brace myself for sleepless nights. I’ve wondered how you’ll like your crib and how many times I’ll rock you in my arms in the new rocking chair.

I think about your father and how he’s going to handle a new, tiny little life. A tiny little life that will change date night, dinner plans, friendships, family and our attention to one another. I think about how much you will change him and I as a couple.

I think about all of these things that will affect me, your father, us, and the family. Which is so selfish, because I haven’t thought about how we are going to affect you.  How will we know which cry means your hungry and which means you need to be changed? And as you grow, how will we affect your thoughts and actions? How will we teach you right from wrong, how to be kind, how to forgive, how to stand for things you believe in, and how to dream? How will we shape your ability to laugh, love and enjoy this crazy world and beautiful life?

You’re not going to stay a baby forever. You’re going to grow. You’re going to succeed. You’re going to meet people that make you smile. You’re going to find passions that light a fire inside you. You’re going to learn, and learn, and learn. And you’re going to love.

You’ll also meet people who will be unkind. And failure is inevitable. You will make mistakes, many of them. And you’re going to get your heartbroken. I already wish I could take any pain you might have to endure, away from you. But I know it’ll be part of your experience; your journey.

No matter what happens, my innocent soul, your parents have never loved anybody more than they love you. Your mom has never been more scared and excited to meet someone before. She’s never laid awake at night dreaming about someone who hasn’t joined the world yet. She’s never been so in love with someone she’s never met.

So as I prepare physical necessities for you to join this world, I’m trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally, too. Our lives will change in ways we aren’t even aware of, but more importantly we’ll change yours too. We will be your foundation for life, where who you are as a person will grow. And while this world will offer you so much joy and so much pain, don’t ever forget your safe place will be us…your parents…always.